The fact that I am going to talk about this gives me a few butterflies in my belly. I was the kind of person that didn’t have much self-love and that made it quite difficult for me growing up. This stuck with me for a long time and it caused me to beat myself up quite a lot about everything I felt was different and not the norm about me. Some of these are crazy and it gives you a glimpse of what inferiority complex really is like. It is indeed a tough journey of recovery for anybody that has to deal with that at any point in their lives.
- My surname: I wasn’t fond of my surname. Can you imagine? Who says that? As pronounced in the video, I didn’t like it. Growing up, I seriously thought my family was the only one with the surname. Now that I’m older, I realize that, despite how awfully rare my surname is, there are people with that name in Ghana and even China as well. I love my surname now….it is silly when I think about the fact that I hated how it was pronounced and how it sounded. A friend of mine used to say that witches call out my surname at night but the truth is, he compared the ‘meow’ of cats he heard at night to my name. Silly Boy!
- My 12 siblings: When people ask, “How many siblings do you have?” I remember when I was younger, I tried to reduce the number because people usually laughed and probed further whenever I said 12. Sometimes I just choose to mention only my mum’s so that I get a smaller number even though that is not even small enough to escape the usual reaction. When people ask, “How many children does your father have?” I usually started to sweat all of a sudden and confused because I tried to think of a way to evade the question. Such a silly thing to be embarrassed about.
- My polygamous family: Coming from a polygamous family where my dad had 3 wives was such an embarrassing thing for me. This was mostly due to the fact that Ghanaians are predominantly Christian and polygamy is not encouraged much among the Christendom in the society. In almost every gathering, in school or church, I was so sure I was the only one from a polygamous household. The sense of being alone and not having the usual family experience was one of the things that made it difficult to talk about or feel proud of my polygamous family. Find out more about my family and polygamy here.
- The fact that I wasn’t active growing up. Most children are naturally very active; jumping around, playing soccer, going swimming, hockey, basketball but I was not interested in any of those activities. In Grade School, teachers called me names and one of those was Old man. They called me that because I acted like that; I was not active much. I wouldn’t play any sport. I’d rather sit quietly in my corner and imagine; very deep in thought. I create my own world in my mind and think about beautiful stars and putting stories together in my mind. It was how creative writing started for me in Grade School; writing stories bookworms loved but pestered my friends and family with. This has been part of me till High School where I was disliked by my physical education teacher because of my lack of interest in the practical. I wouldn’t turn up for any of the sport events except for swimming lessons. I’d rather hide during those hours in the music room writing stories. I remember my physical education teacher visiting my dorm after school in search of me for skipping his practical lessons; something he never did to anybody else. He simply couldn’t understand it. And that is me yorr!
- The fact that I have never drunk hard liquor nor did any drugs. Believe it or not, sometimes I feel weird about this. Spending all my time with Christian friends, I never felt weird about this or out of place till my first year in the university when my roommates and his friends did hard liquor and sometimes weed. Spending more time with some class mates made me feel a little weird about these especially with alcohol. It was mostly because of what they said to me and how they reacted whenever they found out I don’t drink or smoke. When we go to a party and even my female friends are drinking alcohol which they describe as “Alcohol for ladies”; when they offer it to me and I turn it down, I felt embarrassed and weirded out about it sometimes.
- My sex life: I have always had people asking me about my sex life. This intensified in the university when all my friends will just not stop talking about sex; where sex became the order of the day. Where our get-togethers turned near sex parties, it was a very usual question I got, “Are you a virgin?” I cannot begin to count the number of times I lied just to let them off my back or ignored them. My friends have recommended that I see the doctor for help, they believe I have been sexually abused, some think I have no libido at all, some think I must be asexual, some have asked me to explore more into my sexuality. These ideas that people generally have about sex and how different I feel about it makes me kind of embarrassed about my sex life.
- Dating: I explain the reason why I have never dated here. For a lot of people, dating is like shopping for clothes. You keep trying till you get the right fit but I see dating very differently which I believe you should check out in this post. However, my stance with dating and lack of much experience in the field is part of the things I have been embarrassed about.
The point of this post is simple. It is very easy for you to feel very awkward and weird when you are different from the majority. Likely, you can easily be embarrassed about who you are if you feel like you are the only one in the whole world that’s like you.
But reality is, even though it took me too long, tears, time and self-hate to learn this, it is better to be UNIQUE than to be the THE BEST. THE BEST makes you number one but UNIQUE makes you THE ONLY ONE. In a world where some are jostling to be seen for any reason what so ever. Nothing about you is flawed when you are UNIQUE. Nothing about you is flawed when you stay in your lane and enjoy your process.
Be different! Stand out!
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