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It was my first week in the University and as a Christian, one of the first things I wanted to do was find a fellowship or church to be a part of. One evening, I heard a knock on my door. Behind the door, stood a very pretty girl, she courteously asked me to come with her to a Christian cell meeting of which I obliged.
I walked into this meeting with an expectation of a usual fellowship as I’ve been to many of such. Then a question was asked, “How many of you have ever been in love?” I smiled and relaxed in my seat only to realize I was the only one in that position. Everybody else had their hands lifted. At this point, I thought these people had no idea what falling in love meant. And probably I had experienced what they meant but I simply did not refer to it as love. Then they were asked what falling in love meant to them or made them do? They gave so many examples I found outrageous and very much unreal. Actions and thoughts I had never had towards another human being.
I left that meeting very worried. Is something wrong with me? Why have I never experienced this seemingly powerful emotion of falling in love? I asked my friends and family( those that knew me well) they gave their own thoughts but I was never too sure. And everybody I have asked seems to have fallen in love before. What do you think is the reason why I have never been in love?
Since I received this news, I have done a few research on Aaron Akrong. Aaron Akrong has changed a lot of things in his life since he came out as saved from homosexuality.
2. His IG Posts
His posts are very Christian now. He posts scriptures, his church services and meetings.
According to Aaron in his video, he had no influence or experience from the Christian community before. He lived a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle, taking drugs(crack cocaine). He has also suffered abuse for his lifestyle and also from the bad choices he made in the past. Giving up his old lifestyle he says has caused him so much since he nearly got married to a man who seemingly took care of him. Every rational and intelligent person must have a 101 questions to ask him since he posted this on public domain. I asked him a few of such in an interview which he isn’t ready to address for very obvious yet understandable reasons.
Aaron’s story has been welcomed with a mix of reactions from people. Most Christians from the Christian community in Ghana are very happy for his miraculous salvation. Others are pretty much passive about it because they compare it to quitting nose picking in public.🤦
Some of his friends from his previous lifestyle and other members of the LGBTQ community are infuriated for his ‘claim to be saved’ from homosexuality. They believe it makes them look bad and his claim causes a retrogressive effect in their fight to make people understand their sexuality as not evil or by choice. One thing Aaron seemed to agree with when he said he was born gay in the video.
Aaron’s family who seemed to have ‘accepted’ his lifestyle or didn’t care much about it continued to pray for him, must obviously be happy now for his turn around.
Some of his straight friends are obviously making fun of him, some are also putting two and two together thinking Aaron was attracted to them as straight people always think when it comes to gay people forgetting their pot bellies and gigantic noses.😂😂😂🤦🤦as seen in the comment section of some of his posts.
Aaron is not the first person to have come out as saved from being a sexually active homosexual in the gay world to being saved by Jesus. The most popular is award winning Ps. Donnie Macclurkin. Who’s shown to the media after all these years his sexual struggles on remaining straight. I don’t know about now, but Pastor Donnie wanted to marry recently but that didn’t work out either but you see strongly his heart burning for the love of Jesus.
I can recall a guy who also came out with a funny video as saved by Jesus from the “I am deliverdt” viral video who slid right back to being gay after gaining popularity on the internet. He probably had more suitors he thought weren’t worth ‘making heaven for’🤣🤣. That guy will make you laugh your socks off.
Well, this is what I have to say. It is not right for anybody to bash anybody for standing in HIS truth. It is not your place to attack anybody for whatever decision he’s taken in his life. I think it’s very ironic that people who seem to have suffered similarly like Aaron are the ones attacking Aaron now for his stance. It’s very ironic that people who preach empathy and love in our world generally as black people, Christians, LGBTQ and other religious bodies are the very people who lack it when it comes to showing it to others. Telling from Aaron’s story of abuse, you can see in his eyes, hurt, brokenness, confusion, TIREDNESS and fear. Anybody will take the best way out in his situation….in fact anything that promises to make it all stop. To him that way out is Church…is Jesus. If you ask me, I’m glad he didn’t choose suicide instead.
People need to understand that we are all different and we deal with things differently but all we seek in the end, is to be happy. Aaron is only trying to find his.
I say let Aaron be and continue to pray for him if you pray or believe in God. Continue to love him even if you don’t agree with his stance as Christian, as atheist, as gay or lesbian. We need some empathy and love in this world.
As I always say, I don’t have to agree or understand anybody to love somebody as long as they’re not hurting anybody else. My misunderstanding of your thoughts and emotions does not make it any more or less valid than it already is. If everybody thought this way, there will be less hurt and abuse in this world.
A clear predicament of guys in dating and relationships especially in the black community is the financial demands made by girls. It is such a norm that a guy pays a girl he is in a relationship with especially if he is sleeping with her. Yes, I did use the word ‘pay’ because that’s what it really is. You may not see it that way and that’s why you need to continue reading.
A relationship that is supposed to be based on love and companionship has literally become a game of the client and a prostitute where you literally have to pay your girlfriend to stay in a relationship with her. The funny thing is, the reason behind her feeling obligated to be paid for her services are unspoken. She hardly tells the guy the reason why she feels obligated to receive money from him has to do with the fact that you are in a relationship and usually, because you are sleeping together.This is usually because the society has beaten this thought in the minds of girls and when Moesha Boudong (Ghanaian celebrity) finally says it on television, all hell breaks lose among the hypocrites even those that didn’t share such notions were quiet. Ohoh! Hypocrisy and Africans! We really have to change. Nevertheless, there are many relationships where the girls are straightforward about it with their boyfriends when they are not paying up or lets put it in a more decent way, taking care of them. Yes, taking care of her like literally being the father of his girlfriend in a lot of situations.
There have been many situations where this insanity has been extended into marriage. There has been stories where women would demand money from her husband after performing all his financial duties to have sex with her. I mean, this is crazy!!
It is okay if your boyfriend takes you out on a date and takes care of it. Although some girls will like to split but I mean, a guy will like to be a ‘guy’ and pay for it. It is okay when a guy gets you a present or a gift or sometimes voluntarily would want to help with your need even without asking for it. But the problem arises when it feels like it his responsibility even before there is any marital commitment.
In fact, in a world where women are fighting for gender equality, it is quite ironic when women suddenly back out of favor for the idea when it comes to the responsibilities that comes with it. Women need to realize that they don’t get to enjoy ‘gender equality’ only when it comes to it’s benefits but the responsibilities as well. In this world of gender equality, a woman should be open minded, independent and self developed enough to offer some help if need be to her partner as well and not always the other way round.
If a man should pay a woman for sleeping with her, what stops the woman from paying the man for doing the same? Doesn’t she enjoy the sex too? If you are paid and taking care of BECAUSE you are sleeping with a guy or in a ‘relationship’ with a guy aren’t you just like a prostitute with a single client? Until of course the client doesn’t pay well then you move to the next that does. Don’t forget to share it because this ideology and notion in the minds of women in our society must stop! It makes no sense whatsoever!
It’s been the #unsaid of Africa, you can always argue your point because this is just mine and I’m out!
Rape, being such a terrible social vice every society wants to eradicate, it is seemingly encouraged in certain areas and under certain circumstances. The term corrective rape is used to describe the forceful sexual intercourse had with members of the LGBTI especially lesbians in quest to turn them straight or to ‘correct’ them. This was first recorded in South Africa where rape as well as corrective rape is highly prevalent.
It is expected that corrective rape like every other rape case is hugely frowned upon but in many cases of corrective rape, the idea is supported by the broader community; women groups,youth groups, the police and the justice systems. You can imagine how alone these girls feel. Whom do they turn to for help? They are raped mercilessly and it goes unreported. These girls are left at the mercy of a society that is suppose to protect and love them as part of it but they’re rather hurt by it.
In Ghana and in many parts of Africa, homosexual acts are criminal. Many human rights activists in Africa are not asking for a change in the law or a change in the faith or beliefs of some Africans. Many are just asking for just one thing, “Treat all HUMANS like HUMANS” We are asking that the fundamental human rights of people are protected no matter their political affiliations, financial status, religion or sexual orientation. No religion supports rape, no religion supports abuse; so how people make evil things like these right baffles me. I don’t know how some religious leaders who seemingly ignite and encourage these thoughts are able to allow their consciences lie while they watch these things happen. You can also watch the video of the week on my homepage to see what I mean.
How do we leave these young girls at the mercy of these dark minded men and boys to commit such atrocities. How do we leave these girls alone! How does a society keep quiet about this? If she were your sister what would you do? We need to do something! We need to shout! We need to scream! We need to make this stop pleeaase! Please share this!
The first Curtis Haven session was held at Impact hub on the subject, “Gender Equality”. It was such an eye opening and enlightening experience. I realized that there was way more we needed to learn as young people on the issues of gender equality and gender equity.
When the subject was introduced we tried to hear several opinions on what the underlying word ‘gender’ meant. We realized that quite a number of people kept confusing gender identity with sexual orientation. It was also very clear that it’s quite difficult for the young people gathered which I believe was a clear representation of young people in Ghana to see beyond certain social constructs that have been normalized over the years and that made the conversation on gender equality pretty interesting.
It was at this meeting that I realized that a lot of people contributed to the retrogression of the fight for gender equality unknowingly. Gender, being the roles assigned by society based on a person’s sex (male or female) is the grass root of gender inequality. When mum asks Adwoa to sweep in spite of her strength and ability to weed and asks Kwadjo to weed while he lacks the strength and skill to do it is the perfect breeding grounds for gender inequality. Our inability to see people without the mental expectations and limitations of them based on their sex is and has always been our problem as a society in the fight for gender equality.
We need to realize that people are beings with their own individuality(strengths, weaknesses and preferences) that need to be respected, seen and heard. Getting our minds to that point of NOT treating people based on what’s in between their thighs is the beginning of gender equality for Ghana (Africa).
So this discussion went on to raise a topic about the fact that some people are born as intersex ( a particular sex having a part or whole sexual organ of the opposite sex) who have to surgically and socially make a choice which may not necessarily be fitting the gender chosen. This brought deep enlightenment on the fact that gender equality problems and issues goes beyond what we’ve always thought.
Much has been done in achieving Gender Equality, but more needs to be done in the area of education at both basic and primary levels. Parents and family should help in the upbringing of children to really understand and know who they are and not assigning roles and responsibilities based on their Gender. Society also has a critical role to play when it comes to achieving gender equality.
Gender equality can only be achieved when women are liberated from all forms of violence and abuse, have full representation at every decision level. Women should be empowered and given the opportunity to explore and bring solutions to their own challenges. Our education or textbooks and teachers should be targeted at how best to bring equity to Gender.
We need each other in the quest to achieve Gender Equality. You can help by pushing any of the share button below to educate somebody. Much thanks to our Noble facilitator’s Edith Asamani, Akosua Agyepong and Paapa Akoto Amoafo and other guests who graced the event.
We Engage, We Aspire & We Impact
I received a message during our male sexual abuse series about an assertion that males that are sexually abused by other males potentially become gay from the experience which I shared on my Instagram page. In my research, I came to realize that, it is indeed a popular belief that some men become gay from sexual abuse experiences they had when they were younger especially in their formative years.
This ideology somewhat makes sense when taken into consideration the fact that the formative years of children is very crucial to a child’s behavioral and habitual formation. Psychologist stands by the idea that whatever a child is exposed to at their formative years is very crucial to the child’s lifetime behavior. In this light, the argument entices further probing.
Many can also argue that, sexual orientation has a key word that requires attention to understanding how a first sexual experience can affect ones’ sexual preferences and that is ORIENTATION. Orientation denotes an alignment or introduction. Sometimes it is hard to get over your very first boyfriend or girlfriend because he or she was your first sexual experience. Sometimes people who were brutally raped as their first sexual experience can only climax during sex with fetishes of sadism because of their orientation to what sex is. People usually describe their preferred pleasurable sex acts based on their first sexual experience even without realizing it. Upon this defense, some psychologist believe that sexual abuse of young children can hugely affect their sexual orientation for a lifetime and potentially turn them gay or make them fluid if the abusers are male.
A famous YouTuber on several nights visited several gay clubs in research of the idea that sexual abuse has a role to play in the sexual orientation of people. Upon visiting a couple of gay bars and interviewing them secretly, their confessions made him realize that most of these men were sexually abused as children by other men. Is it merely coincidental?
However, there are also many more psychologists who believe that sexual orientation CANNOT be affected by sexual abuse. Posting this on my instagram page raised arguments from people who completely disagreed with the notion. I am sharing only two of such messages.
The first one was posted by a male sexual abuse survivor whom I have interviewed before on this blog here. With the instagram name, sinnedty101, he commented; “The sexual act can NOT determine the victim’s sexual orientation. In the same way the male perpetrators often identify as heterosexual. Rape and sexual abuse is all about power and control, once we move pass that we can better help male survivors. Homosexuality has nothing to do with sex, any homosexual male will tell you they are more than just sex…”
Another debunking statement was made by a social media influencer with the instagram name, Shermanstoy, commented; “I personally know some men who have had those same unfortunate experiences when they were young and still turned out to be some of the most straight people that I know. On another note, no one EVER ventures the possibility that some cases of little boys being molested could potentially be because of the culprit already sees homosexual tendencies in that boy, which makes him an easy target to take advantage of his vulnerability and confusion. In other words, some victims do look back in retrospect and realize they were gay before they were molested, and so this too could cause the victim to blame themselves thinking they sent of wrong vibes and asked for it, but that is not true, no one ever asks for it.”
The most important thing to realize is how much male sexual abuse is real; happening to statistically, 1 in 5 males in certain parts of Africa such as South Africa which is very high considering how many more goes unreported and ignored. We need to spread awareness and help stop this inhumane act. You can start by clicking a share button now.
You can also follow me on instagram for more by clicking here or like my facebook page which you see on the side bar. So generally, what do you think? Let me know in the facebook comment section below or anonymously let me know what you think way down in the other comment section down below or just do it on my instagram page. Help change the world with your voice.
Majority of people in Africa and even all over the world have very weird ideas about sexually transmitted infections. Growing up, the thought of sexually transmitted infections always scared me. I remember a class in Grade School where we were taught about HIV/AIDS and we were shown very scary pictures and videos of people living with AIDS. To me, every lesson on how to prevent it sounded like how to acquire it and that TERRIFIED me. I remember visiting the Barbering Shop and I got a cut on my scalp. The funny thing was how I played it cool at the Barber’s but came home crying uncontrollably because I knew I had been infected with the virus. My sister wouldn’t stop laughing at me and nothing nobody said would calm me down because my teacher said I could get it from a cut. Oh LORD! LOL. In fact, S.T.I’s have always been scary which is definitely part of the reason why I am not in a relationship yet as I blogged about here; this post is going to make you realize some of these ‘strange’ ideas myself and other people had about it which I also rectify as we go! Shall we begin?
I think and I have always thought that condoms are not 100% effective because there are people whom despite using a condom during sex get pregnant. If someone is able to get pregnant with a condom on, then how sure am I that I won’t be infected with a sexually transmitted infection as well if I use a condom. That has been a thought and it is still a thought. The only debunking statement to this idea is that condoms are found to be 98% which I think is a VERY good deal. But what happens to the 2%? LOL. Don’t worry, that’s just me! It’s better to use a condom and have a 98% than a 0% chance at prevention right?
This is the fear and the mentality that ALOT of people have in this day and age and it will surprise you to know how many. There is the ‘better’ generation that actually thinks that the HIV medication sustains carriers just for a few years till they die. In other words, despite the medication, they gradually die which is far from truth. These ideas are only fueled by the earlier AIDS campaigns that were made when I was in Grade School as I shared earlier, and those in Ghana may remember the SCARY AIDS song by various celebrities at the time with scary pictures of patients emaciated, having scaly skin, weak and drooling. This makes people find it hard to get past those notions of the disease and realize that HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence anymore. That people are able to live full and happy lives if they stay on medication.
This adds to the stigma with sexually transmitted infections where people feel like infected people are promiscuous. There are people who had S.T.I’s in marriages, first time relationships, date rapes, through oral sex (whether receiving it or giving it). Yes, there are people that get infected with S.T.I’s these ways and not because they are promiscuous.
4. PUNISHMENT FROM GOD
As crazy as this sounds, I hardly believed in crap like this but it was vehemently preached behind pulpits in churches. There are some statements that I still hear today behind certain pulpits that just make me wonder if this entire ‘religiosity’ makes any sense at all. Sometimes, it is worrying to hear some of these statements when obviously people that are addressed horribly in sermons are seated right in front of these priests in the congregation. HIV/AIDS is NOT a punishment from God and CAN NEVER be a punishment from God. Some people were raped, born with it, got it in a marriages etc. IT CAN NOT BE!
5. Don’t get close to HIV+ People
It will surprise you that in this day and age, people will walk away from you when they know you are HIV+. It is such an ignorant way of thinking when these people sit in buses, buy food from food vendors, sit in churches, go to work etc where there are also HIV+ people. I do not have friends who’ve told me about their HIV status to be positive neither have I had an encounter with any but I will be so cool with it. I have had encounters with some of them online since I started blogging but never in person. It will be so cool to have a friend who will definitely have a deeper understanding about HIV/AIDS probably more than I do.
5. Condom is the only way!
You may laugh at me at this point but it’s true. As I mentioned in my earlier point, I don’t trust condoms so if using a condom is the only way to prevention, then there is no way I am having sex with anyone EVER till I get married. I stand by this! However, guys, there are other means of prevention when it comes to infections such as HIV/AIDS; there is a medication called PREP which is taken daily in reduction of the risk of contracting the virus 92%-99%. That sounds impressive! But you know how my mind thinks about these proportions right? What about the 8%-1% risk? Well, as I said, that’s just me. These percentages are indeed impressive!
For me, I believe abstinence is by far the surest way to prevent S.T.I’s which I talked about in my personal journey here but if you cannot abstain, protect yourself because it is always better that way. If you are already infected, just hop on to those amazing medications that will keep you healthy and rocking life! Taking the right medication religiously, will prevent you from infecting others and getting sick so that you can have a FULL and happy life! At least you don’t have much to worry about if you are already infected and on medication. *wink
If you enjoyed this article and you want to educate the next person to have a liberated mindset to prevention and life, click on the share button.
I find this notion very infuriating where people treat their girlfriends like brainless commodities. If she cheated on you, it’s not because she was deceived, drunk or raped. She decided to do so; so instead of questioning somebody else, it’s either you question yourself or just move the FAST on! SHE IS NOT INTERESTED in you! SIMPLE!
The video here may be disturbing to some viewers; viewers discretion is advised!
The fact that I am going to talk about this gives me a few butterflies in my belly. I was the kind of person that didn’t have much self-love and that made it quite difficult for me growing up. This stuck with me for a long time and it caused me to beat myself up quite a lot about everything I felt was different and not the norm about me. Some of these are crazy and it gives you a glimpse of what inferiority complex really is like. It is indeed a tough journey of recovery for anybody that has to deal with that at any point in their lives.
- My surname: I wasn’t fond of my surname. Can you imagine? Who says that? As pronounced in the video, I didn’t like it. Growing up, I seriously thought my family was the only one with the surname. Now that I’m older, I realize that, despite how awfully rare my surname is, there are people with that name in Ghana and even China as well. I love my surname now….it is silly when I think about the fact that I hated how it was pronounced and how it sounded. A friend of mine used to say that witches call out my surname at night but the truth is, he compared the ‘meow’ of cats he heard at night to my name. Silly Boy!
- My 12 siblings: When people ask, “How many siblings do you have?” I remember when I was younger, I tried to reduce the number because people usually laughed and probed further whenever I said 12. Sometimes I just choose to mention only my mum’s so that I get a smaller number even though that is not even small enough to escape the usual reaction. When people ask, “How many children does your father have?” I usually started to sweat all of a sudden and confused because I tried to think of a way to evade the question. Such a silly thing to be embarrassed about.
- My polygamous family: Coming from a polygamous family where my dad had 3 wives was such an embarrassing thing for me. This was mostly due to the fact that Ghanaians are predominantly Christian and polygamy is not encouraged much among the Christendom in the society. In almost every gathering, in school or church, I was so sure I was the only one from a polygamous household. The sense of being alone and not having the usual family experience was one of the things that made it difficult to talk about or feel proud of my polygamous family. Find out more about my family and polygamy here.
- The fact that I wasn’t active growing up. Most children are naturally very active; jumping around, playing soccer, going swimming, hockey, basketball but I was not interested in any of those activities. In Grade School, teachers called me names and one of those was Old man. They called me that because I acted like that; I was not active much. I wouldn’t play any sport. I’d rather sit quietly in my corner and imagine; very deep in thought. I create my own world in my mind and think about beautiful stars and putting stories together in my mind. It was how creative writing started for me in Grade School; writing stories bookworms loved but pestered my friends and family with. This has been part of me till High School where I was disliked by my physical education teacher because of my lack of interest in the practical. I wouldn’t turn up for any of the sport events except for swimming lessons. I’d rather hide during those hours in the music room writing stories. I remember my physical education teacher visiting my dorm after school in search of me for skipping his practical lessons; something he never did to anybody else. He simply couldn’t understand it. And that is me yorr!
- The fact that I have never drunk hard liquor nor did any drugs. Believe it or not, sometimes I feel weird about this. Spending all my time with Christian friends, I never felt weird about this or out of place till my first year in the university when my roommates and his friends did hard liquor and sometimes weed. Spending more time with some class mates made me feel a little weird about these especially with alcohol. It was mostly because of what they said to me and how they reacted whenever they found out I don’t drink or smoke. When we go to a party and even my female friends are drinking alcohol which they describe as “Alcohol for ladies”; when they offer it to me and I turn it down, I felt embarrassed and weirded out about it sometimes.
- My sex life: I have always had people asking me about my sex life. This intensified in the university when all my friends will just not stop talking about sex; where sex became the order of the day. Where our get-togethers turned near sex parties, it was a very usual question I got, “Are you a virgin?” I cannot begin to count the number of times I lied just to let them off my back or ignored them. My friends have recommended that I see the doctor for help, they believe I have been sexually abused, some think I have no libido at all, some think I must be asexual, some have asked me to explore more into my sexuality. These ideas that people generally have about sex and how different I feel about it makes me kind of embarrassed about my sex life.
- Dating: I explain the reason why I have never dated here. For a lot of people, dating is like shopping for clothes. You keep trying till you get the right fit but I see dating very differently which I believe you should check out in this post. However, my stance with dating and lack of much experience in the field is part of the things I have been embarrassed about.
The point of this post is simple. It is very easy for you to feel very awkward and weird when you are different from the majority. Likely, you can easily be embarrassed about who you are if you feel like you are the only one in the whole world that’s like you.
But reality is, even though it took me too long, tears, time and self-hate to learn this, it is better to be UNIQUE than to be the THE BEST. THE BEST makes you number one but UNIQUE makes you THE ONLY ONE. In a world where some are jostling to be seen for any reason what so ever. Nothing about you is flawed when you are UNIQUE. Nothing about you is flawed when you stay in your lane and enjoy your process.
Be different! Stand out!
Feel free to click the share button to help someone who’s feeling different and weird.