The whole idea of human sexuality is fascinating. The first time I talked about human sexuality, I specifically spoke about asexuality which I found out to be a categorization of human sexuality. The blog post “Does asexuality really exist?” was based on how I understood this categorization of human sexuality and also tested it’s existence. To be honest, that blog post stirred up such an unexpected controversy which was almost overwhelming for me. I can boldly say, my curiosity about the subject was satisfied and more.
Let me gist you on a few things that happened with that blog post. My blog post was placed on apparently one of the very popular websites around the world especially in America called asexuality.org. They were in awe of how much I as the writer found it hard to understand asexuality. Others were defensive of me with the claim that I was very factual and resourceful in the information I gave but lacked understanding of asexuality. On my blog, there were alot of comments and backlashes; many also tried to make me understand what asexuality really is. Unknown to me, my blog post was also placed on a facebook group page called asexuals and they had long days of criticisms on my blogpost. It is still very confusing for me, how human beings who are described as sexual beings by biologists and psychologists be asexual. The definition of asexuality is even more confusing when you listen to some of the arguments; Asexuals watch porn, have romantic relationships and a whole lot more which makes my head hurt when I think about it. You can check out the blog post on asexuality by clicking here.
Well, today I want to talk about another categorisation called demisexuality. I find demisexuality relatable and therefore I believe I can do a better job at explaining what it is. Seeing the word ‘RELATABLE’ must have bulged your eyes. Yes, I find demisexuality relatable on some levels.
When I am watching a movie and I see sex scenes, ofcourse it is exciting depending on the intensity of the scene. However, when watching a scene where a couple shows such strong love and support for each other and then comes together perhaps in a kiss at the end, it is most exciting for me. I enjoy that more than the sex scenes. Definitely more arousing…
It is crazy how frivolous people can be sexually. For many, sex is just an act of releasing energy; It has a more recreational purpose than a procreational one. It is meaningless…thus gaining the name one night stand,friends with benefits, booty call and the likes.
It is viewed a weakness when you date to marry. Let me personalise things in plane language here. It is seen as a weakness when I see roses,wedding bells and happy ever afters with anyone I date. It is a trait that makes me vulnerable but definitely not a weakness. It only makes me stronger, careful and wiser. I don’t need fixing. Many describe that as being a hopeless romantic but it goes beyond that.
Demisexuals do not have sexual attraction unless they have bonded with someone. The bulging biceps and chest will mean nothing to such a lady sexually, until you bond with her. The shaking buttocks and perky breasts will not do much for this guy until there is rappor or connection between them for sexual attraction to begin. As much as you would like to imagine that there are many people like this, there isn’t. However, those who feel this way especially in Africa, do not have the words for it which causes them to have tough times in their relationships. There are definitely more female demisexuals than males all over the world.
You may be dating a demisexual that’s why things are going wrong “cos obviously you are doing things wrong”.The partners of demisexuals or ‘wanna be’ partners of demisexuals go through hell in getting the relationship to work because they dont understand the preferences of their partners and usually rush into a sexual relationship with them. Which eventually crumbles the whole relationship. Dating a demisexual is like building a house:
1. You make sure you build the foundation; there should be great connection between you two so much that your communication becomes fluid.
2. Try as much as possible to stay clear of sexual talks or dirty jokes earlier in the relationship.
3. When you feel you are very close. Prove your love to this other person with very little things like saying you love them,being there for them(available)…generally proving that you care about them.
4. Dont do extravagant things like buying them a car, a house or really expensive things out of the blue and very early in the relationship. That will freak them out! Just try and be casual. Keep it cool.
5.When you feel you are really close to them, try throwing a few dirty jokes into your conversations just to see where their head is at. Upon their reaction, you will know.
6.If they seem to enjoy it, dont overdo it. Bonding is key.
Demisexuality is cool. As much as it is extremely uncommon, it is a very healthy sexual lifestyle. Let me know what you think about it ..