I am Richard….Deacon Richard. I tell people to believe, have faith, love God… Nobody ever thinks of me as one who’d doubt God not even for a moment in my life. Me? Doubt God? Never! Have you soon forgotten the video I made a year ago about God’s existence?
People have different reasons for doubting God’s existence but most of them have just one similar reason on their lips, “The bad things that happen in this world is just too much for God to overlook if he’s really there.” For a lot of us, we’ve heard the answer to this severally. “We can’t expect God to heal a world that has turned away from him just like a barber cannot give a clean shave to a man on the streets until he has come to him for help.” But is this always the case? What about the people who love God and serve him wholeheartedly?
“I am 5 and a half” I used to say many years ago when I was only five years old because the whole five and half thing was fascinating to me. I was always quick to say, “I am 5 and a half” when someone asked for my age… I’m pretty sure I kept saying five and a half even when I turned six. At that age, as quick I’d say I am five and a half was just as quick as I’d read a bible story, watch a film about Jesus, sang a gospel song or prayed. I did all of this just because I wanted to please that nice man they called Jesus, I thought. Never for a moment did I love Jesus for anything else but for the mere fact that he seemed so nice, powerful and cool as I had heard of him to be.
If there was any moment in my life that I’d beg God to erase from my memory, it’d be that year in my life. At that point in my life when I heard,saw and experienced the worst things that could traumatize any kid for the rest of his life. If I had to doubt God, it’d be at that age.
All through school, being that weird kid who was antisocial and such a weakling despite my love for God should have been the point in my life I should have doubted God.
Falling sick in upper primary and junior High continuously despite how often we prayed for healing should have been the point in my life I should have doubted God.
Struggling with my self confidence and loving myself should have been the point in my life where I should have doubted God.
While my church lost one of our favorite,young and prayerful elders should have been my breaking point of losing faith in God.
But I can’t doubt God now that I know that death only brings those whom God loves closer to him.
I can’t doubt God now that I know that if I hadn’t gone through certain negative experiences in my life, I wouldn’t be able to help or support people whom God loves just as much that are also struggling and going through a lot of pain in life.
I can’t doubt God now that I know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.
I may have doubted God at times in my life but there has never been reason enough not to doubt my doubts about God…..