Why won’t he have sex with me? How do I know we are sexually compatible if I don’t have sex with her? These and many other questions cloud our minds when we enter into a relationship with someone who’s promised chastity. It is virtually impossible to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that completely agrees or understands your stance about sex before marriage.
Why would anyone want to save him or herself for marriage? For many people, it is for religious reasons. For others, it is to add meaning and strengthen bond and love between partners without a sexual distraction. There are so many reasons for practicing chastity. I have a number of friends who’s sworn chastity; However, that decision has only made their dating lives miserable. You’d think that chaste girls suffer the most in dating but I personally think that guys suffer the most.
I asked a female friend; Kate, “Would you date a guy who’s sworn to remain chaste till marriage?” “Hell, No!”, she yelled. Her reaction made me laugh so hard. “Why?” I asked. “My experiences with such guys have never been a good one.” she waves her hand at me. “How?” I curiously asked. ” I remember a guy I dated…a fine looking boy ooo. Very very FINE. But chale, he said he was saving himself till marriage.” she said breaking into laughter herself. “It didn’t go down with me well at all. At that time, he was the first guy who’s ever said that to me”, she said. “I didn’t want to push it otherwise he’d take me lightly and besides, I thought he was joking and that he wouldn’t be able to stand his grounds for long.”
Then she broke into uncontrollable laughter. I wondered why she laughed so hard. “Why are you laughing?” I asked. ” But this guy did oo” she laughed. “He stood his ground for months! Months into dating without sex! Eiii!” this funny girl got me sprawling in laughter. “It was then that I thought that there was something wrong with him. It was hard for me to believe such a guy existed. I threw care to the wind and begun to seduce him but that didn’t work oo.” she laughed. “I got scared and extremely worried about what I was getting myself into so I blatantly started asking him for sex….actually, ‘pestering’ is the right word…” But whenever I tried, he’d show me scriptures and pray with me for hours…trust me, it was such a mood spoiler especially when he started praying in tongues.” I broke into laughter realizing the seriousness on her face.
“Finally, I succeeded one day” she elatedly added. “He was literally on fire for me. He was like gushing waters that had been held back for so long. In my head, I thought I was going to have a time of my life till I found out the true reason why he was preaching to me about chastity.” she broke into uncontrollable laughter for so long. “What was it?” I curiously asked repeatedly.
She stopped laughing, looked at me and asked, “Have you ever had itchy ears?” I nodded smiling and curious about what she was driving at. “What do you love to use to ease it.., traditionally I mean?” she started to smile again. “We love medicated feathers or something…” She broke into laughter as she managed to say these words, “That was exactly how it felt. Like a tiny feather in a huge ear like yours. Since then, I deleted his number and never called him again.”
As a boy just after High School I was passionate about God. I wanted nothing but to please him. Knowing that fornication was something he did not want, I decided to abstain but my dating life was terrible. Every girl I dated dumped me; some of them articulated their dislike for my stance on chastity. Others left without good reasons.., but now, I give them what they want; SEX. But to tell you the truth, I always look at sex as the bane of every relationship I get into and I have gotten into numerous deadly troubles because I have sex with whomever I date but I can’t seem to be able to put the brakes on it now.
Sex is what they want so that’s what I give them. Many relationships have been rendered meaningless and unsatisfying…I blame it on the sex. I can’t stop now even though I want to so badly.
I have seen a couple who were both virgins before they got married and their marriage is so beautiful. Sex, forming more than 70% reasons for divorce is minimized in relationships that are built on stronger foundations that are devoid of sex. There is more focus on your partner as a person…as an individual and you get to cherish the person for who he or she is and not because of sexual pleasure. True companionship is devoid of sex and that is what you need if you are going to spend more time out of the bedroom in your lifetime.