“I come home with homework trying to do it by myself. The house help sits next to me trying to help but she is too dumb to understand a thing. My 5 years old brain is definitely smarter than her 20 something years old brain. Living with my half sister is fun…probably just fine for a 5 year old. This illiterate house help does a lot for me. She cooks, washes, cleans and even bathes me.
Talking about bathing, she bathes me twice everyday. “It is just too many times to bath” I think. She chases me around the house every time to get me to take my bath. As much as I hate it, she catches up to me and gets me to bath every time because my short legs and tiny heart can’t take me far nor long enough to get away from her.
No matter how angry I am about taking my bath, I always feel good after a bath; feeling fresh and happy. One afternoon after my bath felt quite unusual.
I sing and she laughs wiping the water off my hair with my eyes closed. She takes my hand and inserts it into her lady parts. Quickly pulling my fingers to my nose to smell it, is my first reaction. “Did she put my fingers in her buttocks?” a question that quickly comes to mind. It smells awful…so awful that I can’t forget. The best description of that smell is like that of smelly vapor that evaporates when a freshly killed chicken has it’s first hot bath after slaughter. ”
It was such an awful smell. What went through my 5 years old mind was a lot.
I don’t know why or who taught me to think that way, but I felt I had done something bad….something awful…so bad that I couldn’t share it for years. I blamed myself…I felt I had a role to play in it even though I was just 5. Never for a moment did I feel it was sexual abuse…I felt it was all me. Besides, I was the male, right?
The first time I shared this story was when my room mates shared their sexual conquests. They spoke with such frivolity and normality but I was surprised at how difficult it was to share my experience. I realize now that deep down, I felt abused but the society had wired it not to be felt as such.
It is laughable now because when I shared that experience was when I realized I was not alone. Every single one of my room mates had a similar experience as a child. Mostly from house helps as well. But one thing that was common among all of us was we did not feel it was sexual abuse.
Did it affect me?
As much as I’d like to say like every other guy who has experienced anything like this as a child not to have been affected, the truth will always be the truth. I remember always thinking of every woman as sexually thirsty and most importantly to me, with a stinking vulva. Simply put, women were sexually thirsty beings with very smelly genitals. As a child, sex was a disgusting thought. It kinda is now when I break it down…when you break it down isn’t it a lil disgusting though? It kinda is, right?
Stories like these are not shared enough. Issues like these are not tackled enough. No matter the form, shape or whom a sexual abuse victim is…it is serious and we have the voices to speak up. Make people aware that this is real and whether you like to face it or not, it is happening and it continues to destroy lives including men. Yes, even in Africa..even in Ghana.
Statistics show that most men that are sexually abused tend to become abusive themselves. So you see, it will always be a cycle if we don’t say something or do something about it.
So we can’t stop rape and sexual abuse on a girl child if we don’t help stop or fix the majority perpetrators (men).
That is why the C.E.O of Waisreel Productions and I have come together to fight this and make people hear more about this and become conscious of it. Waisreel Poductions produced a movie on male sexual abuse entitled ‘Veiled’. The trailer is down below. We are also teaming up with the Who Will Hear My Cry Foundation U.K on this as well.