23 Comments

  1. Coyote
    @ 4:34 pm

    “1. They never have crushes like others do.”

    No, you’re thinking of aromanticism.

    “2. They act no different among members of either sexes. They act pretty much the same amongst people; male or female.”

    Is sexual attraction the only reason anyone acts differently among people of their own gender versus any other?

    “3. They are the least sexist on the planet. ”

    Unfortunately, no.

    “4.When dating an asexual, you may feel connected in many ways but there is usually never a sexual connection. You act like bros.”

    What? No. People who are dating don’t necessarily act “like bros”.

    Why are you just making stuff up? Try reading some things written by asexual people themselves rather than announcing all your guesses and speculation.

    “They need no legal statement nor a discussion about their sexual orientation because it only has to do with them and nobody else.”

    Oh, if only.

    Reply

    • The Voice.
      @ 4:33 am

      Very interesting. Infact I am glad to hear a contrary opinion to what asexuality really is. However, I am aware that my characterisation of asexuals is referred to as myths of asexuality. The fact still remains, there are a lot of asexuals who have this characterization. Besides, where else will you fit someone with these sexual characteristics ? It may not apply to all asexuals but it definitely applies to some….what do you think? Glad you shared.

      Reply

      • Coyote
        @ 5:02 am

        Yes, there are some asexual people who are aromantic and some who aren’t, the same as with anything else. What do you mean “where else will you fit someone with these sexual characteristics”?

        Reply

        • The Voice.
          @ 10:43 am

          I mean if someone possesses the characteristics as mentioned above, how will you describe the person’s sexuality. Another thing I want to understand is, “Why is there a need for a legal statement for asexuality?”

          Reply

          • Coyote
            @ 2:56 pm

            Which characteristics? Not getting crushes on people? Aromantic. Acting no different around one gender or another? I wouldn’t describe that as anything. Not being sexist? That’s just not being sexist.

            Here’s a short list, but since you’re focused on legal issues, I’d highlight discrimination, corrective rape, and pathologization from the public at large as well as in the psychiatric industry.

          • The Voice.
            @ 2:59 pm

            Wow…

          • The Voice.
            @ 3:15 pm

            Didn’t think asexuals go through stuff like that. My readers probably maybe wondering as well…if an asexual is romantically attracted to other people, What then makes him or her asexual?

          • Coyote
            @ 3:20 pm

            Not experiencing sexual attraction, or any of the other reasons people choose to identify as asexual, although that’s one of the most common ones. Crushes don’t have to incorporate sexual attraction to be crushes.

          • The Voice.
            @ 3:31 pm

            Really? So your attraction to someone else is based on what?… Because if I am not sexually attracted to someone(romantically) that means that attraction maybe friendly or simply platonic. So what really is it that defines your attraction and qualifies it as asexual?

          • Coyote
            @ 3:39 pm

            What do you mean, based on what? You want me to explain what nonsexual crushes feel like? I can’t do that, since I’m not sure I’ve ever had them.

          • Callie
            @ 6:49 pm

            Romantic attraction/love is different than sexual attraction/love. You can have meaningless sex with someone you’re at all interested in dating or having a relationship with (sex without romance). The opposite is true. You can be romantically in love with a person without sex (romance without sex). They aren’t the same thing.

            An asexual person lacks sexual attraction but they can still feel attracted to someone romantically, because a loving relationship/marriage isn’t just about sex at all. It’s everything else, non-sexual, that relationships are that attract them. These are romantic crushes. They crush on people they want to have a romantic relationship with, just not a sexual one.

            Aromantics, don’t get romantic crushes. Aromantic isn’t the same thing as asexual, but a person, like me can be both. There are many aromantics that still have sexual attraction. If a person is both aromantic and asexual then we tend to want neither, or are incapable of forming romantic or sexual relationships. In this way, the common way people think of crushes, we aromantics don’t have crushes.

            Except we do. I do. I have crushes on people I really want to be friends with. When I was a teen I thought they were the same as a romantic crush, but they aren’t. And all of my crushes simply became my best friends. A crush, in my opinion, is merely an intense longing to be with someone, either sexual, romantically, both, or simply as friends. Aromantics can have friend crushes. People they are drawn to because we want to be friends with them, but not date, or if aslo asexual, like me, not want to date or sleep with, just want to hang out with.

  2. The Voice.
    @ 3:59 pm

    Puzzled… You know, there are so many things in this world that we may not understand neither may we agree with. But i believe it makes no sense if we choose not to listen or try to be in a place where others are. Knowledge is everything. We can only help, prevent or solve problems if we know of its existence. Thanks coyote for sharing with the world..

    Reply

  3. holyholyray
    @ 7:45 am

    Like it, think a friends gf is asexual will let him read this

    Reply

    • The Voice.
      @ 8:28 am

      Yes. You should….there are more female asexuals than males.

      Reply

    • Hillaree Hayes
      @ 2:14 am

      Please advise your friend to look up other explanations of asexuality as well. While the author is doing his best to understand the topic, he’s not quite there yet

      Reply

  4. Haja Sillah
    @ 5:02 pm

    Maybe reading about the different types of attraction could help you understand it better… First off, I don’t know whether this has been said already but romantic and sexual attraction are not the same thing, at all.

    Reply

    • Jude
      @ 2:41 pm

      How different is it? This whole thing about attraction is very confusing for me…very! I don’t get it at all. If I am attracted to someone, it gotto be sexual or….how in the WORLD is it possible to have a platonic crush???

      Reply

  5. Dallas
    @ 10:35 pm

    So I got most of the way through t is and then just couldn’t stand reading it anymore… so I skip to the comments and see people schooling the author, who seems completely surprised that the things he apparently just made up for this article were not correct….. why do people who have not done due-diligence to actually learn about asexuality think they should write articles about it? This kind of nonsense is what leads to a lot of the confusion and problems that asexuals face… because people refer back to this as if it is source material and how dare we not be like the article they read about….

    Reply

  6. Melody Toland
    @ 2:35 am

    There are four primary types of attraction: platonic, aesthetic, romantic, and sexual. They are not all linked, nor are they necessarily exclusive. One can look at another person and be drawn or attracted to them in an aesthetic way (aka, appreciate their beauty), but not have any desire to have sex with them, or even pursue a platonic or romantic relationship. Likewise, someone can feel a connection with someone that is purely platonic.

    Romantic and sexual attractions are often linked, but not always. For many people, one cannot exist without the other, whilst some experience only one of the two. One who experiences no romantic attraction to anyone is aromantic. One who experiences no sexual attraction is asexual.

    A romantic asexual (feels romantic attraction, but not sexual) may want to hold your hand, cuddle maybe even kiss. They desire that closeness, and love. Sex is not love, even if it is thought to be an act of love. Love can exist without it, and for those who are asexual, often tones sex will actually drive them away from those feelings of love due to unwanted pressure. Please note that though this is a generalized summary, every asexual is different, just like every body is different. Some are sex repulsed, and some may enjoy sex even if they aren’t sexually attracted to anyone. Some may enjoy self pleasure but want nothing to do with others in a sexual manner.

    Another point to touch on, is asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexualit and homosexuality. It is something you are born as, and generally, not a result of external stimuli such as rape. Sure, an asexual person may have been raped in the last, and it would seem logical to an outsider to assume the two are connected, but that is in most cases, not the case. They are two entirely separate events having little to do with one another.

    Reply

  7. Melody Toland
    @ 3:20 am

    Forgive the typos and autocorrect problems. I typed that all out on my phone.

    Reply

  8. LSJ
    @ 7:36 pm

    Asexuality is an orientation, not caused by choice (celibacy), nor is it the result of traumatic experiences (rape, etc.). To claim otherwise makes it clear the author has both learning and unlearning ahead of him.

    As an ace I can safely say that I have never been assaulted nor did I ever take an oath consciously or unconsciously to never have sex. I was just never interested to begin with (and a am little squicked out by the idea, in all honesty).

    Reply

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