Statistics tells us that more than 90% of male adults have masturbated at one point in their lives and over 67-75% masturbate for the rest of their lives. With females, 92% of them masturbate. It is also found out that, most people start masturbating between the ages 9-14 years of age. Those are the early years even though some definitely started earlier than that.
In previous posts where I addressed masturbation, I spoke about it being addictive and how to break free from the addiction. But in this post, we are going to delve into the “why nots of masturbation” and give you a little experience from my life. Yes, I will.
With the statistics stated above, it is surprising…in fact shocking how much I grew up in my community or society without hearing people talk about it. Not even amongst my friends…for most of you, you’d say, “Then that’s a weird bunch of friends you had”. Well, yes…we were. At least, a lot of people thought that of us; we were Christian knitted. The only times I heard about masturbation growing up were in church and school. In church we heard the pastor and our leaders say, “Masturbation is evil!” In school we heard something a bit different as one would expect because it is school and they had to delve deeper into sex education but NO! The teachers turned pastors too and said, “Masturbation is evil so stay away from it!” FULL STOP.
I never thought about it neither did I even think it possible for me to do growing up. Besides, nobody practiced it because it was evil, right? Apparently I was wrong. Most of the teachers that said, “It is evil probably beat their meat after school” Well in church, don’t get me started.
I am not saying masturbation should be encouraged neither am I saying it is such a good thing to practice but all I am saying is how much I am praying for a society that will be open enough to speak about our sexuality; something God has designed and embedded beautifully within us. Seeking for a society that will tell us the truth; laying before us the Pros and Cons and thus giving us power and control of our sexual lives.
So back to my story, I never even knew how other boys or girls masturbated….didn’t research it, never heard anybody speak about it. Of course I knew they must self-stimulate but the answer to how they self-stimulated, I was freaking ignorant about it. I thought it weird and impossible to arouse your own self. In fact, there were many times I insulted and made fun of the idea of masturbation while others were around whom now looking back, must have been masturbating because of how awfully quiet they were whenever I brought up the subject and laughed; insulting the idea and everybody that practiced it. Just like a lot of people will laugh and insult kleptomaniacs, promiscuity, people living with HIV/AIDS, you know like that. Simply because they do not understand their individual stories and experiences neither can they relate. Should this continue to be our reality?
So in the Second year of University, I came in contact with Tuffour; a youth president in his church. He told me something weird I had never heard before. He said to me, “Richard, do you know that masturbation is not a sin?” HAHAHA! I lost it! You should have seen me…you can imagine my reaction to that, right? I was all over the place! Something I had been told all my life that it is wrong, “How can you say it is not wrong?!!” I vehemently spoke against the idea he had about masturbation…VEHEMENTLY. Then he said to me, “I will show you something when we go back to class.” “I don’t want to see anything!” I responded stupidly. I am qualifying it as ‘stupid’ today because of the saying by Dr. Wayne Dyer that says, “The ultimate ignorance is not knowing something and refusing to investigate” So yes, I was stupid. Are you being the same way about everything you deem not right today?
So I went back to class and sat down; feeling holy and mighty for expressing my holy Christian values without ‘compromise’. Indeed, I felt high and mighty because I was loudest among all the Christians that later joined me to attack this other Christian because they may have all probably had an experience but I never had any experience with it whatsoever. Is the feeling of being better the reason why you attack others you deem immoral?
Before lectures started, he placed his laptop right in front of me and before I could walk away, he played a video of one of my favorite ministers of the gospel. He was having an open forum receiving messages from around the world. I paused to watch it because I loved and respected that preacher man so much. So I smiled and said in my heart, “Much better…” As I watched, this minister received a message from a Ghanaian who asked the pastor to pray for him because he was addicted to masturbation. Then I heard this man say something I had never EVER heard before in my entire life….it was unbelievable! I felt like the video has literally been tampered with. But it was too real to deny. He actually said these words, “Masturbation is not a sin” I was mind blown!
“He is not God!”, I said to my co-league. “People have their notions, I said. “But God’s will always stand!” I retorted. Then he asked me, “How do you know it’s God’s will?” “From his word of course” I replied. “Then which part in the bible tells us that masturbation is wrong?” Then I was literally blank. I had no idea why I never questioned anything I was ever told or even read further from the bible. Are you a religious zombie too?
So for the first time, when I went home I begun to research masturbation because as a youth leader too, I needed to know the truth. I searched and searched and there was no scripture to back what I have believed for so many years.
This however, did not change the fact that I believed masturbation had the potential to hugely affect a man negatively and draw him away from God. This is because, masturbation or self-pleasure is not a mere rubbing down of the genitals, but it also constitutes other activities with imaginations (lust) or pornography. This affects man spiritually and psychologically which I have expatiated in this post.
But this experience changed a lot of things about me and my way of thinking; giving a listening ear and being present in people’s situations and struggles. For many, it is the only way they know to stay away from promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. For a lot of people, it is the best remedy. These were things I never thought about simply because I couldn’t see that for myself. Just like Jesus Christ, we do not have to judge people but we should empathize with their weaknesses. Just as Christ, we should show unconditional love without compromising our beliefs and standing in the Lord. One thing Christians do not realize is that, loving a ‘sinner’ does not mean you compromise your values or beliefs. It is just following the footsteps of the one you truly love; Jesus Christ. It is a thought that the Pharisees (hypocrites) had, that sent Jesus to the cross. They thought of him as a sinner because he was always found with them and showed sinners empathy and love. I choose to be Christian, not a Pharisee.
“I am a Christian and that’s why I know that it is not my job to hate or judge BUT the only job I have is to love and empathize. “
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