Dealing with the unsaid of Africa sometimes becomes tough when you are confronted with very tough situations you may not have answers to. I received a message some time ago from a guy who asked me a lot of questions which I ignored for a while because I did not think I had answers to them. But he was persistent with the questions without even realizing how persistent he was which I found out when I finally responded to his messages. In a conversation with him, he expressed how uncomfortable and angry he gets for being called effeminate and many other questions that related to his effeminism that seemed to affect him. For the past three days, I have posted two videos on Instagram about effeminate little boys. Follow me on @awesomerichy on Instagram for more.
Okay this post is to address some myths and truths about ‘tom-boys’ and effeminate boys.
- IT IS INTENTIONAL
You find people trying to correct, yell, tease or even bully effeminate boys or ‘tom-boys’ to act more like their sex as if it is a conscious effort by them to act that way. Well, it is not. Mostly, they consciously try to act just like their sex, boys trying their hardest to walk like boys, the girls trying hard to talk like girls but it is harder than an ordinary boy or girl can understand. Well, it is not as if effeminate boys or ‘tom-boys’ understand why they act like that either.
- IT IS A TACTIC FOR ATTENTION SEEKERS:
A lot of people think effeminate boys or ‘tom-boys’ act the way they do because it is crave for attention. Well, it’s not. Some of these people are the quietest and most reserved who wouldn’t want to do anything at all to attract ridicule or attention. The loud ones are either just loud or they’ve just built up that persona to handle the verbal and physical abuse they suffer daily. Who would want that?
- THEY ARE GAY OR LESBIAN
I am sorry to burst your bubble. This is not ALWAYS true. This stereotyping Is done by people from the gay community as well as those that are not. A ‘tom-boy’ is expected to be lesbian as well as the effeminate boy, gay which is not factual on any level.
- THEY LOVE IT:
Even those that have learnt to love themselves, at some point growing up hated themselves and asked, “Why can’t I just be normal” The tease, bullying and awful treatments by peers, the junior and the seniors causes them to spite themselves even more than the outside world does to them. Most people hate themselves so much that they won’t want to be seen in a video or in a picture in their mannerism. A good picture or video will be one that society deems appropriate for his or her sex. So if you ever thought they all love it, think again. Most that do now, have only learnt to cope and love themselves despite it all.
These are few myths and realities of effeminism and ‘tom-boyism’. The favorite saying I have ever uttered or made-up is that ‘stereotypes always produces prototypes’. What I mean by that is, society’s demands of whom we should be ends up creating people who are not themselves. We need more authentic people in this world than the fake the world is producing.
We should not hate, bully or tease people who are different. We don’t need to understand them because sometimes you will always see an object smaller from a distance than when you are close to it. If I missed anything, you can add in the comments. You can make the necessary change by doing something as simple as clicking the share button.