The letter I wish I read before committing suicide at 22

I wish I knew more than I did when I decided to take my life after many years of battling depression. Yes, I died from asphyxiation. A lot of people do not seem to understand why I did it because nobody gets it…I was only 22, a popular blogger who was already making such impact on people and teaching them the most important lesson in this world; self-love. Karyn Washington was the name on the lips of many bloggers in the blogosphere, especially in the black community. I loved myself, I really did but…the battle with depression…this terrifying mental illness that makes you feel locked up…caged in your mind made me see life very differently…no matter how hard I tried.

My reality was only what my mind told me. I wish I knew…I wish I understood fully what I was going through. I didn’t think I needed help…I didn’t think I needed medical attention. Besides, I thought I wasn’t sick. Why would I need a doctor if I am sad. I threw all the potential joy, fulfillment, love and blessing that was yet to come my way for nothing. I didn’t understand my depression…all I knew was my mum was dead and that was the end of my chapter too. Only if someone was there and someone could talk about it. Only if someone could speak up! I did not even give thought to what there could be after death…

My story

Karyn Washington is probably thinking this right now or thought of this few minutes before she passed away. We are still making the same mistakes by not talking about it…we are still killing more people. We are still being concerned about worthless things and forgetting what really matters; LOVE.

I have suffered depression before but I cannot begin to imagine how it feels like waking up every day and being depressed…not wanting to live anymore. A very close friend who suffers from S.A.D has been my inspiration for delving into issues relating to mental illness for a few months now. He inspired me to write the best novel ever; The Brainy Retard. He is the warmest person on the planet and I love him. Our ignorance of mental illness is the reason for the stigma. If only we took the time to learn more about this, we could help others understand, ourselves and realize that we are no different from anybody who’s facing any type of mental illness at all. Because one of the most difficult things, is to accept that you cannot help someone whom you love when he is suffering right before your eyes.

Suicides seem to skyrocket each passing day all around the globe. Developing countries suffer the most from suicides so it is expected that poverty is the reason for the high rates of suicides in these parts of the world.Happiness is directly related to how much money we make. We’ve known that for a while. So it shouldn’t be surprising that our earnings also correlate with suicide rates. Sadly, that is not true at all. It will surprise you to know, that the top ten reasons why people, including those in the developing countries, kill themselves does not include poverty at all. Developing countries are hardly vocal about issues such as this and THAT could be the biggest cause for the increase in suicides.

A new paper from the San Francisco Federal Reserve shows that, all else being equal, suicide risks are higher in wealthier neighborhoods, a morbid demonstration of the folly of trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” According to Psychological research journal 2005, suicides are higher in wealthier neighbourhoods when minority in that community earns a vastly lower income. This relatively reduces the possiblity of money being the direct cause of the high suicides in developing countries.

Mental Illness is the main cause for suicides all around the world. In West Africa and many parts of the world, people know little about mental illness and are surprisingly not willing to explore this deficiency. Some time ago I wrote an article entitled, “Mental illnesses you may ignorantly have”. I paid facebook to promote it in Ghana so that people out of sheer curiosity would read it and learn. However, after many days of this advertisement, I realized that people in Ghana did not seem to care about thier mental health.

This ignorance relating to mental health is massive and we need to eradicate it. ‘When your mind tells you that nobody loves you and that you are not worth it, know there and then that it is a lie because someone whom you might not know or even seen before cares enough to do something about it. As I said in the video, hold your breath for as long as you can, and when your will breaks free gasping for breath…gasping for life and a chance, believe your will and not your mind.

The least you can do is to share this post to as many social media platforms as possible. Thank you.

TOP 10 CAUSES OF SUICIDE

1. Mental illness

2. Traumatic Experience

3. Bullying

4. Personality Disorders

5. Drug Addiction / Substance Abuse

6. Eating Disorders

7. Unemployment

8. Social Isolation / Loneliness

9. Relationship problems

10. Genetics / Family History