There are many reasons why I have never been in a typical….real…conventional relationship before! NEVER! You keep asking since my last post and I hope this may explain things.
1. Christian Background
I came from a christian background that said that, it was wrong to date until you are ready to get married. Yes!! I am serious. This is real, guys. You are discouraged to date until you are ready so if ‘your ready’ is 30 or 40 years old, you walk into a relationship only then for the very first time. Why I find that a little absurd now is that it is not like someone will be standing on hold waiting for you to be ready before you start dating. It is not like the person you will get married to is on the shelves at Walmart or Melcom that you can just pick up when you are ready. You know, it is pretty confusing and absurd. Did all people follow what we were told about dating? Nope! This takes me to my next point
2. Fervency in my faith
I love Jesus. My faith is important to me and I won’t do anything I believed will jeopardize that. I must say, staying away from relationships had numerous advantages too! I was always free, free in mind, spirit and self. I didn’t have to worry about someone else, didn’t have to compromise for someone else, didn’t have to think about sex and all the fears, worry and baggage that comes with it. My christian friends that dated had so much more to worry or think about than I did.
I need to tell you this story. The first love letter I got was in grade 5. It was from a girl I was very close to; in fact we were best friends. We used to speak about everything; God, school, family etc. One day, I saw a letter in my text book during a class. When I begun to read it and realized it was a love letter from her, my heart JUMPED! I quickly dipped it into my pocket. I knew I could be punished for it if the teacher saw it. During my break time, I went to the washroom to read the letter. And oh my God! I felt so guilty about the love letter she had written to me. It was not even sexual but I felt I had been dipped into sewage. Can you imagine that? I believed she had sinned. I thought I had sinned by being the focus of her love interest. Do you know what I did? Please don’t laugh at me. What the hell, you are already laughing. This is so twisted, guys.
I confronted her and expressed my grave DISAPPOINTMENT in her for expressing a romantic fantasy towards me. I spoke to her as if she had done an evil thing. The weirdest and funniest part about it was, my voice shook as if I was going to cry. I was so heartbroken and disappointed in her. For what? For being fond of me. I don’t know if she still remembers this but we have reconnected just recently, if she does, I’d be so embarrassed even though we were just kids and I know how hard we’d laugh about that.
I am just this person who FULLY goes for what he believes in, I hardly go halfway…and that takes me to the next point.
3. Commitment is LACKING
I am someone who goes all in for what I believe in. I go all in with my emotions, heart, thoughts, strength, my ALL. However, we live in a generation that will rather sprinkle water on themselves than bathe in it, we live in a world where people would want to eat their cake and have it too. People are just not in for commitment which I absolutely understand sometimes. Commitment is a scary thing…the fear of being stuck with somebody is something nobody wants. But let me go a little lovey-dovey here, true love is freeing; it allows you to be yourself…express yourself and bathe in the fluid of love. I am just that person who wants to know FOR SURE which I know is impossible but I want to be at least 80% sure is for the LOOOONG hall. Do I need therapy for this? Maybe I need some talking to.
4. I am ‘Effing’ too careful
This is something I wish I could turn off but I can’t. I probably need therapy for that. I have been friends with quite a number of people. I have always been the unattached person in many cliques so much that I have heard the bad and the worst. Girls have told me awful things they do to their boyfriends(cheating especially) because of my seemingly permanent state of being the ‘not ready to mingle’ guy; they’ve always felt free to say it all. The ignorant boyfriends cleave unto these girls as if they are angels and I have seen these happen over and over. A bad experience in trying to build a relationship could deter one from ever getting into one. I am the kind of guy that fell on a pitch trying to play football for the first time and quit playing for the rest of my life. Yes! That is me! Unless that thing is absolutely worth my LIFE! So careful, hell yes, I am! Is it that good? Well, I guess not really.
5. People just don’t know what they want
For a lot of people, dating is like shopping. This don’t fit, unto the next! Giving the impression that you are not sure, that you are not going all in for this to make things work, POOOOF! ADAKA DABRA!
6. Saw dating a burden than a priority
Why would anybody want to include someone else in his boat when he or she can ride alone. I am naturally a loner and an introvert so ‘me’ times have been and will always be important to me. I once passed through Osu on a school day. I had taken a cab on my way to school. Then a female friend, Nadia called in an almost seductive voice, she asked, “Can you please get me fried rice and grilled chicken from Papaye restaurant?” I was late and I had already taken a cab. Typically, it is expected that I will turn and make that sacrifice. Hell no! I can’t stand anybody inconveniencing me like that! A relationship where someone would complain when I don’t call or text. Asking me for favors and dates when all I want to do is sleep. They say, I will change when I fall in love. I hope they are right! So let’s wait and see!
I am tired right now…can’t edit this but I needed to explain things to you since you guys kept asking. Posting right away. If you can relate, let me know or share it. Hope you are answered. Love you!